Parent Extremis

Does your little tot carry around a blanket, a stuffed animal or is he still constantly connected to his binky, or pacifier?

This is all very common behavior, devotion and dependency on an object for comfort.  These objects are commonly known as a lovey.  These objects of comfort provide a calm reminder when you, the parent step away and the child experiences some anxiety.  They lovey is familiar, providing smells of home or reminders of you.

Loveys are more common for toddlers and younger children but sometimes a baby will become connected to an object before their first birthday.  Security items can include pacifiers and a thumb, a blanket or cloth diaper.   You may notice that this object never leaves their hand or their sight.  Sucking has a calming affect of babies reminding them of feeding times when they were close to the parent or caregiver.  Soft blankets are soothing to the touch as well.

Parents often worry that their child will never give up their lovey and often joke that he or she will walk down the aisle dragging their nicknamed blanket or go off to college still sleeping with a pacifier or sucking their thumb but you shouldn’t worry too long.   Children will give up their objects in time and there isn’t any harm in sleeping with a certain blanket or stuffed animal into their teen years.  We all have favorite sheets or pillows, so do children, the comfort and familiarity are the same.

Thumb sucking can harm tooth development and lead to the need for braces and orthodontic devices, if you are worried about your child sucking their thumb too long, speak with your child’s dentist and pediatrician for ways to help them wean off.

In one of the many, many, many baby sleep books I read that left me doubting** not only myself but also the reliability and validity of the many baby-sleep theories out there I recall a passage saying that a baby will naturally regulate their daytime sleep pattern around the age of five months. And dammit, I think that was right.

Just last week, at the age of five and a half months I finally put Noah down for day-time naps that seemed to last a long time and occur at the same time each day. And he only cried for a few minutes and seemed grateful for the sleep.

In his early weeks I let him nurse and nap in my arms while I caught up on some very important Tivo’d television. But, as he got older and I needed to get some things done I needed him to nap in some sort of baby-holding-device other than myself.

It was only about a month ago that Noah’s wake-up time in the morning seemed to be consistent from day to day. So after waking up and nursing and hanging out in bed while I prayed for a brief nap from him, we get up and come downstairs and he plays while I eat breakfast. By the time I have eaten and cleaned up and checked some email and let the dog out he is cranky and whining for me. Add in a fast calming nursed-feeding and he’s back to sleep. Where he used to sleep on me, I now put him upstairs in his crib and he has slept for anywhere from twenty minutes to two hours.

I’m hoping our consistency develops into the two-hour nap days.

** I still think that many of the baby books out there today are theories based in scare tactics: DO THIS or else you are setting your child up for a lifetime of insomia. Please. Parents are just trying to survive, do we really need to add to our plethora of worries?

Every morning when Noah and I come downstairs, dressed too, which I consider a massive accomplishment on my part, I put Noah on his playmat while I get myself some breakfast. He used to cry the moment I put him down anywhere but a few weeks ago, probably at about ten weeks old or so, he started to actually like his playmat. He lays on his back and jiggles the rattle and holds the ring of rings and talks to himself. He occasionally stares at himself in the mirror too.

This is one of the first times that I have left Noah to play with himself. Not to be confused with just simply leaving him all neglectful like, which I haven’t done. Yet.

I am nearby and often sitting just next to him, like right now. I think it is important for him to learn to play by himself. How many of you have done this? Do you leave your baby to play by himself?

Back when I was pregnant with Noah an intrusively rude neighbor located our baby registry and then chased me down while I was walking the dog so that she could critique criticize outright insult our choices in every category possible; diapers, bottles, car seats…

At the time, I had not registered for a baby swing and she was utterly appalled at the concept of me holding my baby. You HAVE to have a baby swing and one in the kitchen and one on the lower level too!

In my defense, I wasn’t sure I wanted to buy everything kind of baby holding equipment out there. I was against it on several fronts, of which I won’t bore you with here, but suffice to say, that baby crap is expensive and I didn’t know what we would want or what would work for Noah.

After Noah was born and we discovered his desire to sleep on my chest and not on any other flat surface we invested in a baby swing. One of those big contraptions complete with a mobile of birds and palm leaves and an array of frighteningly exciting tunes and jungle sounds.

It absolutely saved my sanity and possibly my marriage.

Noah naps in his swing during the day. The gentle rocking helps him soothe himself back to sleep when he wakes up or hears a loud noise. It also helped us teach him that he could sleep longer than two hours at a time. That swing allows me to type what I am typing right now.

Just this week I realized I wasn’t using the swing nearly as much as we used to … my baby has started to play with toys on the floor, entertaining himself and occasionally myself too. I’m beyond grateful that we have the swing, it is a great little contraption. I’m also glad I didn’t buy it until I knew I needed it.

Sometimes after you post something on the Internet the thing you swore has never happened, happens. And you feel like a total fool.

Behold the power of silicone:

Does your kid use a pacifier? If so, when did you first give it to him?

Pacifiers do serve and actual purpose. We have all seen the over-stressed and perhaps ill-equipped mother shove a pacifier in the mouth of her seven year old in the middle of Target, but it is not a silencing device really. Infants have a need to suckle. It calms them. They are able to breastfeed with different amounts of sucking depending on their level of hunger. As long as all of their other needs are met, I see nothing wrong with the modern day pacifier to help stretch out a nap-time or make a car ride more pleasant. Pacifiers nowadays are made much better than several decades ago and do not, contrary to what you may hear, cause any orthodontic or speech problems.

Personally, I was a thumb-sucking kid. I started as a newborn and stopped, for good, sometime in my I-am-not-kidding teen years. It was clearly a self-soothing thing and if I hadn’t screwed up my teeth to all hell, I’d still do it today. My mother was vehemently against pacifiers. Go ahead … psycho-analyze the shit out that one.

When I was pregnant and preparing for Noah to be born I was very certain that I wanted him to have a self-soothing method, whatever it may be. So far, his only soothing tool is my boob, much to the chagrin of my nipples and my ability to get much sleep. Alas, he is young, seven weeks, he has no coordination and couldn’t suck his own thumb if he tried. I digress …

I am all in favor of the pacifier. For one thing, you can take it away. You cannot take a thumb away. Know what I’m sayin? So I bought pacifiers. I bought several different kinds, just in case one was shaped better than another kind. I boiled them and was all ready to hand him a pacifier the moment he got a little fussy. Ha! Haa! Hahahahah!!! The parenting gods laugh in my face.

Noah will not, under any circumstances, take a pacifier, of any brand or sort or color or shape.

Another mother told me she gave her son a pacifier in the hospital and he uses it for sleeping only now nine months later. I chose to wait until he was securely breastfeeding to avoid the dreaded and often hotly debated issue of nipple confusion. For now, we are not a pacifier family. Perhaps when he gets older he will take one, but for now I suppose I should count my blessings and not worry about saving for braces.

To read about other nap-time issues, click here.