Parent Extremis

I took over this site back in February and I have always felt a little guilty for not posting more about, oh … those controversial parenting issues, you know, like bottle versus breast feeding and attachment parenting and the dreaded sleep-issues. I haven’t been living up to the TITLE of this blog, writing about parenting EXTREMES. Personally, I don’t parent in any of the extremes, at least I don’t think. I have my nuttiness, as my husband likes to remind me, but for the most part I dabble. I make some baby food, I buy some baby food, Noah sleeps alone, in his crib and he does get a little fussy sometimes and I don’t rush in to grab him, I do use Tylenol for those teething moments and post-vaccine fevers, I do use a sling and a carrier but only BEFORE he reached 20-pounds and mostly for convienence, not because I thought we weren’t bonded enough. So, I don’t really fall into any of the strong beliefs about attachment parenting and authoritative parenting and cry-it-out (Ferber/Weissbluth) versus Sears-method sleep training.

But! Some of you do! And I’d like to get some of those debates out in the open here at PARENT EXTREMIS. It’s what we’re all about, when I’m not writing about nose-picking and Cabernet play dates.

TypeAlice recently had a down and dirty comment war with another blogger about letting a baby cry and where to draw the line at ABUSE and WRONG. It is hard to hear your baby cry but sometimes when they are really tired they cry for like 30 seconds before they fall asleep, after you have fed and comforted and rocked them. Is that BAD? To me, that isn’t crying, its more like, fussing. Each parent has a different tolerance for hearing their baby cry and only each parent knows the line of a distress cry versus an I’m-annoyed-come-entertain-me cry. And to some parents, it doesn’t matter, a cry is a CRY.

I think the problem comes when one parent thinks THEIR way is better and RIGHT for someone else. But, who am I to judge? I buy baby food and put my baby in a stroller??

What are your thoughts on these extremes? Food, sleep, etc … do you dabble in the “methods” or do you follow one more than another?

Kids are dirty. The play on the floor, roll in dirt, pick up ants and often don’t even notice when a their faces are a veritable artist’s palate.

One of the all-too common, all-too joked about stomach-turning habits of toddlers is … NOSE PICKING.

The average 2-3 year old toddler is just curious about his body and what comes out of it. You can encourage frequent nose-blowing to try and ward off any mining. Also, you can correct these gross personal-grooming habits by reminding kids that this isn’t clean and they should use a tissue and possibly do it in the bathroom rather than at the table. During a family dinner. With your in-laws. They will outgrow this behavior, it just takes time.

Often, toddles will also refuse to bathe and wash their hands. Getting dirty is fun and not really a big deal to kids. We, the parents are the one who know about germs and colds and dirt and bacteria. However, a little dirt usually won’t hurt anyone but not washing before eating or after using the toilet can become an actual health concern. You can battle this behavior by making a fun time of getting clean. Kids like choices. They like to make their own decisions and effect their own lives. Give them options, “Do you want to wash in the kitchen or in the bathroom?” Also, splurge on the sudsy foamy-bubbles antibacterial kid soaps. This should encourage them to clean up a little bit. But again, you are the parent and you must remind them what is best and override their desire for dirt when you know that being clean is a must.

Wine! I highly suggest keeping a good bottle of cheap wine in the house at all times. It’s very nice to have a calming glass of wine after the kids go to bed each night. There are nights when that little treat renews me and lulls me into a ready-for-sleeping calm that I haven’t been able to channel sans alcohol since well before I had a baby.

I’m not at all advocating alcoholism or drinking as a means of managing the stresses of parenthood, however, it is a good coping tool! But, if you would rather consume a more benign substance, try an herbal tea or warm milk which is proven to help you sleep, and gives you a good dose of calcium and protein. Milk contains very small doses of melatonin and tryptophan that tend to have a sleepy calming effect on the body and mind.

Alcohol consumption during pregnancy is not recommended, however if you are breastfeeding it can be safe, in moderation. Alcohol can be found in breast milk but the amounts are small, however, it is recommended that you have only one and no more than two drinks per day while nursing. Although, two drinks each day and every day isn’t suggested, so, you know, be smart about it. Alcohol doesn’t stay in breast milk, it does get metabolized by the body so you don’t necessarily need to pump and throw away the milk. For more information about alcohol consumption while breast-feeding, visit Bella Online.

A good nighttime tea to try is Celestial Seasonings Sweet Apple Chamomile. It is all natural, free of calories and caffeine. If you prefer an organic tea, try Sweet Clementine Chamomile Organic Herb Tea, also by Celestial Seasonings.

I started feeding Noah a mixture of baby rice cereal and purees of fruits and vegetables right around his six month birthday. True to family form: He ate everything we gave him and never spit out one bite. We take our food seriously around here.

So here we are, almost eight months old and I’m getting a little bored with his food. I actually make about 75% of his food, and not because I am a SAHM WAHM SUPERMOM but rather, it is CHEAPER. Like, seriously cheaper. A jar of Earth’s Best Spinach and Potato (Stage 2) is $.76 at a local grocery store. A bag of frozen organic chopped spinach is $3.99. If I steam and puree the spinach it will make more than one ice cube tray of frozen spinach blocks, a minimum of twenty meals.

When I first started I would make a huge mess of puree all over the kitchen. I used all the spoons in the drawer and I had leaky watery stains of spinach green and cherry red all over myself and my counter. I am happy to report that I have gotten much better at containing the food and getting it cooked, pureed and frozen in the time it takes Noah to individually toss ten cheerios onto the floor after first licking them and showing them to the dog.

I just found this book this week and I’m really excited to make some new foods for Noah. This book tells you how to make something as basic as a puree of carrots to something more complex like fish and meat and pastas. I also really like the section at the beginning discussing baby health and nutrition. It is short and concise; well suited for a mother to read while her baby crawls into the kitchen to play in the dog’s water bowl.

Teething is a bit of a mystery for us first time parents. I have been convinced that Noah was teething since he was about a week and a half old so clearly, my observations are not to be trusted. Fast forward to NOW, Noah is seven months (32 weeks) and I suspect a tooth is just about on the horizon.

Teething is a bit of a gray area at this time because I can’t tell which tooth might be coming in first. Most babies get the two bottom teeth first, although I have known plenty of babies who get five teeth on top and then no others for months on end.

Teething can begin as early as three months or as late as a year. The averages are around … seven months.

Some common symptoms of teething are:
* biting hands or anything that comes near their mouths
* crying out in yelps of pain
* drooling
* runny nose or congestion from drooling
* “smokers’ cough” from the drool going down the back of the throat
* spitting or throwing up from drool going into the stomach
* “drool stool,” which is shards of drool in the poop (I know, and it’s truly stunning when you see it)Moxie says it’s true!)
* rash around the mouth
* rash around the anus
* acidic poop (sometimes you can even smell the difference) and a burned monkey-butt look after pooping
* tugging or pulling at the ears
* not wanting to nurse
* biting while nursing
* flash fevers (fevers that come out of nowhere, don’t last, and are gone in 30 minutes to an hour)

Teething remedies will be discussed in a later post …

It was a hard day, Noah was difficult. Cranky? Drooly? Teething? Constipation? Crawling difficulties? Sleep Regressions? The Wonder Weeks?

Cabernet Savignon is the answer whatever you think the question may be!

Alas, Noah has a rough day and I can’t attribute it to any one factor. But other than today I am finding seven months to be a cheerful and enjoyable age. For the most part Noah sleeps well and eats well and plays well. We have garnered ourselves a decent routine that seems to be more challenging for me than for him.

I do know a few other parents who are still having a lot of trouble getting their six and seven month olds to sleep well. Here are some recommendations originally published on Parents.com.

1. Give your child a quiet and calm period before bedtime. Figure out which activities are effective in calming your child. For many, it’s reading, singing, or a warm bath. Sticking to a regular routine will help your child understand that it will soon be time to go to sleep. Limit television viewing, video games, and active play shortly before bed.

2. Set a consistent schedule. Decide on a time for your child to go to sleep and make bedtime the same every night. His sleep patterns will adjust accordingly.

3. Encourage your child to take a favorite teddy bear or special blanket to bed. These comforting items often help children fall asleep — especially if they wake up in the middle of the night.

4. Make sure your child is comfortable. Make sure that she is comfortable with the temperature in her room and that she’s wearing pajamas that fit well. She may also feel more at ease with a drink of water, a night-light, or the door left slightly open.

5. Avoid returning to your child’s room every time he calls out. A child will quickly learn if you always give in to his requests at bedtime. However, it’s important to reassure your child that you are there if he needs you. Try waiting several seconds before responding and taking longer each time he calls out. (A few minutes of crying is okay, but listen to your baby and if he seems to be in distress go to him.)

Source: American Academy of Pediatrics

Parent’s Magazine has a new list of the best books for children, broken down by age.

I have very strong memories of my Dad reading me Dr.Seuss books. I love the crazy words, the images and the wacky scenarios.

Reading to children is one of the best activities and gifts you can give them. It is calming, bonding and promotes conversation about things you may not have talked about otherwise. Also, hearing the rhythm of language and sounds teaches kids about language and improves their own language skills. Reading promotes imagination and play, a venue through which kids learn.

Child Literacy (dot com) recommends the following based on age:

For babies and toddlers up to 2 years

• point at pictures and say or ask names of things (depending on age)
• use a slow sing-song voice
• use different voices for different characters - be entertaining
• spend time talking about the pictures before turning the page
• say a name and ask your older baby or toddler to point to the item
• give huge praise each time your child points at and names an object

For 2-4 year-olds

• give your child time to look at the pictures before you read
• ask, ‘Where’s the…?’ ‘What’s that called?’ ‘What’s she doing?’
• always follow text with your finger as you read
• with familiar stories, see if your child can join in or finish phrases
• ask questions like: ‘Why did he do that?’ ‘What happens next?’
• discuss things you both liked/didn’t like and why

For 4 year-olds and over (and possibly some 3 year-olds)

• as for 2-4 year olds
• ask your child if he can remember the order of events in the story
• try paired reading (sometimes called shared reading)

There are an interesting variety of watch-dog type sites that comes to mind when I think of all the times that we, as parents would appreciate an extra eye on our children. Nannycams and hidden cameras are all too common inside our homes, but what happens when the nanny goes for a walk? Does she cross streets safely while pushing your child’s stroller? Does she demonstrate extreme and laudable safety? How do you know?

1. A new site, How’s My Nanny (Howsmynanny.com) gives each person who signs up a mini-license place to put on their stroller. If you see one on a stroller you can report praise or problems, anonymously, and the parent is notified via an email.

2. Parent Pager. The parent pager is a device that comes in two pieces, one is attached to the child, and the base to the parent. If the child wanders beyond fifteen feet of the parent’s device an alarm sounds notifying the parent. Also similar is the GOTCHA, sold online for $59.99.

3. Nanny-Cams. There is a website, Know Your Nanny that sells a plehtora of hidden cameras and accessories all of which help you to spy on your nanny. I’m not going to delve into the shark-infested waters of controversy on this one but suffice to say, a little spying is okay, to ensure peace of mind and safety of the kids and all that … but undisclosed taping can be illegal in many states and also violates a certain trust you should have with anyone watching over your children. So, use wisely. Many parents choose to tell their nanny that they are recording or recording in one room, also so that they can watch their children when they are away. I highly suggest you read THIS before opting for any home surveillance system.

Julia wrote about vaccinations awhile back and she basically said everything that I felt. So perhaps you can just go read her posting and then we’ll be done? Oh… you actually want me to put actual words here? In this space? Oh. Alrighty then.

Wow. I never should have attempted such an often times controversial subject this early on a Monday, but my goal isn’t to say what I feel is right or even try to sway anyone to vaccinate or not to vaccinate. Ultimately, it is a personal decision. I will say that the arguments are in favor of vaccines as they are overwhelmingly safe. The public health defense being is at the top of PRO list, as is personal health. It is much better to let your child get a short-run, controlled fever than say, a case of the Mumps. There was an outbreak of the Mumps in 2006 which was a real reminder that we have let our guard down in terms of diseases once thought to be eradicated, or at least, totally off of our radar.

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) have a very extensive web page detailing recommended vaccine schedules and a chart that suggests how to catch up when vaccines have been missed or skipped for whatever reason.

The biggest vaccine controversy today is a concern that vaccines have contributed to the rise in Autism rates. However, there is no proven link. In the past two decades the number of available vaccines has grown quite a bit, and coincidentally, so have the rates in diagnosed Autism. At this point, this is really is a coincidence, there is no proven scientific research demonstrating any link.

It is difficult to watch your babies getting shots but it is ultimately better to have the sting of the shot than the disease it is preventing. Some pediatricians recommend a delayed vaccine schedule for babies who were born prematurely or who have stronger reactions to the shots. This option should be discussed with your pediatrician if you think it would benefit your child.

In the wake of a recent tragedy, a friend of a friend just lost a baby, an 18-month-old baby who drowned in a hot tub, I think it is important that we all take a minute and read over some good tips to keep our kids safe around water, specifically, pools. It’s summer time and we all want to take a dip to cool off. Young children and babies have no concept of the dangers of water and also, the double edged sword is that they are fascinated by water and can get away from us and out of sight in the blink of an eye.

The American Academy of Pediatrics makes the following statement:

A swimming pool can be very dangerous for children. If possible, do not put a swimming pool in your yard until your children are older than 5 years. Help protect your children from drowning by doing the following:

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Never leave your children alone in or near the pool, even for a moment. An adult who knows CPR should actively supervise children at all times.
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Practice touch supervision with children younger than 5 years. This means that the adult is within an arm’s length of the child at all times.
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You must put up a fence to separate your house from the pool. Most young children who drown in pools wander out of the house and fall into the pool. Install a fence at least 4 feet high around all 4 sides of the pool. This fence will completely separate the pool from the house and play area of the yard. Use gates that self-close and self-latch, with latches higher than your children’s reach.
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Keep rescue equipment (such as a shepherd’s hook or life preserver) and a telephone by the pool.
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Do not use air-filled “swimming aids” as a substitute for approved life vests.
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Remove all toys from the pool after use so children aren’t tempted to reach for them.
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After the children are done swimming, secure the pool so they can’t get back into it.
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A power safety cover that meets the standards of the American Society for Testing and Materials (ASTM) may add to the protection of your children but should not be used in place of the fence between your house and the pool. Even fencing around your pool and using a power safety cover will not prevent all drownings.

Remember, teaching your child how to swim DOES NOT mean your child is safe in water.

Red Cross Water Safety
Also, the American Red Cross makes the following recommendations for HOME POOLS:

Prior to each well-child check-up I have to do an online survey question thingy about my son that gets sent to the doctor prior to our appointment. It asks questions about his development, motor skills, language skills, and all kinds of confusing questions about whether or not he reached for the poopy-diaper that I left too close to him with three fingers or all five.

I don’t believe in viewing the milestones as expectations that should happen at one particular time, but rather, as long as you see varied improvement and increasing developmental skills in a variety of areas, then you are on a good developmental track.

According to Your Baby Today by the time your baby reaches the six month mark, he or she should be on their way to doing the following, if not doing them already. These guidelines apply to full-term babies only. If your baby was born prematurely, you should expect to see these milestones reached based upon your baby’s adjusted age. A preemie’s development is calculated based on their due date, not their actual birth date, which is the adjusted age.

The average six month old should be able to sit up on their own; rock and pivot on their stomach, roll from back to stomach and stomach to back (NOTE: Noah first rolled from stomach to back then he forgot how and would get stuck on his stomach and cry out for me until last week when he remembered that he can roll onto his back by pushing up and leaning over. Silly boy.) Doctors will often ask about their dexterity, specifically, how many fingers they use and if they are scratching and digging their fingers and toes into the floor to reach for toys. Some charts include the skill of eating a cracker but many doctors advise against introducing foods until the six month mark, so if you are still just trying out rice cereal and baby food peas and bananas, don’t stress on this one.

By six months of age your baby should have doubled their body weight, if not more, ahem! tripled! … and then some!

By this time a baby will start saying vowel-consonant combinations which frequently come out as VERY high pitched screams, often, dangerously close to your ear. They start expressing fussiness when you take a toy away and they will reach for it if it is too far from their reach.

For a more inclusive and in-depth list of milestones, click here to read what BabyCenter says, or ask your pediatrician.

Just a few days ago when I wrote this entry about keeping your family and kids on a schedule I was trying to work out my own choices of late. But, just a few days later I’m doubting my own words. Today, for example I was was all whiney about how it was a bad day and I was tired and WAH! I had a bad day.

We had a busy weekend and took a trip to a baseball game in Baltimore yesterday for Father’s Day so naturally, I was tired today. Monday is usually a tough day for me; recovering from the weekend, alone again because Marc is back at work, no plans yet for the week but still a long TO-DO list that I am ignoring. And, Noah woke me up a few times last night. There, I established legitimate tiredness. Why do we feel we need to defend ourselves and explain our tired? That’s a whole other entry for sure!

Bad storms were in our afternoon forecast so naturally I used that as an excuse not to go outside for a walk-jog with the dog and the baby. After a long day in the house of not really getting dressed, not showering, and just operating on a three hour cycle of feed baby-change baby-sleep baby-check email-eat a snack-cuddle with baby-watch more television- I grew a little irritable and that led to some anxiety over my lack of ambition to get off my fat ass.

After I put Noah to bed I got to thinking that maybe, maybe trying to keep a tighter schedule might do me good. It might allow me to have the exercise time I know that I need. It might actually be better for me to eat at certain times of the day rather than when I get hungry and risk skipping meals and having a lunch that involves dipping the spoon into the peanut butter jar and then covering that heap of delicious nutty smoothness with healthy raisins (WHAT? They are high in iron).

NEW GOAL: Get on a damn schedule. Don’t stress it just try to find some natural rhythm to the day and possibly even get a shower and exercise, but not in that order.

How scheduled are you with your kids and home life schedule? I’ve met mothers who have their kids on a very tight schedule where they wake at the same minute each day, eat meals within minutes of the same time each day, ditto on naps, outings and playtime.

FACT: Children do function extremely well on a schedule. When they are learning to understand their world and many things are uncertain a schedule can bring comfort because it means there is more predictability and therefore, certainty.

I keep a relative schedule with Noah but it isn’t too tense. We don’t get up at the same minute each day, but more like, within an hour of the same time. He takes a nap about two to three hours after he wakes up, so that means maybe ten o’clock but also maybe eleven thirty. I still nurse him whenever it seems convenient for me and necessary for him. So, eating isn’t really scheduled at all with the exception of morning time, he nurses first thing in the morning and last thing at night before bed. He does nurse in between a few times and also has a small meal of cereal and some baby food vegetable.

I think I can afford the luxury of unpredictable days because I’m not working outside the house right now but I certainly am trying to get more scheduled, if not for the baby’s comfort for my own. I need to get more sleep because I’m exhausted each day and I need to fit in time for exercise. If I knew Noah was going to nap at the same hour each day I could plan better and use my time more proactively.

Scheduling, it’s a goal.

What about you? How tight are you scheduling your kids? Do you schedule everything or just nap and meal times?

I just got an email from another blogger who has a baby the same age as Noah and after reading one of my postings about finally getting the baby to sleep for a nice long period of time, things are about to hit the fan because it is just about TEETHING time. Can I get a collective sigh of URGH.

I think the baby is starting the whole dreaded teething phase. He drools like a fountain and gnaws excessively on his hand, my hand, my shoulder, the dirty washcloth in the bathtub, you get the idea. His top row of gums have puffed up in the shape of little baby teeth. The bottom hasn’t shown too much action so far.

Babies can start teething as early as three months and some don’t show any signs of teeth appearing at their one year birthday but for most babies, the little nubs start cutting through that soft gum tissue somewhere around seven months of age, just for an average.

Sometimes breastfed babies will start to bite when they are teething. They are not doing it to hurt you, but rather because their gums are sore and biting down feels good but rest assured you can teach them not to bite. Moxie has written a good piece about breastfed biters.

The teething ring pictured at the top of this article is made out of all natural maple wood. It is made in the United States and is free of chemicals, most importantly, lead but also there is no potentially toxic gel inside. It is sold on Amazon.

When your baby starts teething and you want to offer some organic means of gum soothing, consider offering them a washcloth damp with cool water at room temperature or one that has been refrigerated for awhile. The cool sensation will gently and naturally numb their gums. Some babies will take to chewing on a pacifier. Even if the baby hasn’t liked a paci in the past, consider showing them they they can chew on it now. Sippie cup spouts are just about the right size to be chewed on. Overall, just choose something safe and large (READ: NON-CHOKE-ABLE) that your baby likes to chew on. Anything that takes the edge off of their discomfort is a good option.

There are also a hot of over-the-counter medicines including Tylenol and Orajel, a benzocaine-product. It is recommended that you speak with your pediatrician before offering any of these products.

In one of the many, many, many baby sleep books I read that left me doubting** not only myself but also the reliability and validity of the many baby-sleep theories out there I recall a passage saying that a baby will naturally regulate their daytime sleep pattern around the age of five months. And dammit, I think that was right.

Just last week, at the age of five and a half months I finally put Noah down for day-time naps that seemed to last a long time and occur at the same time each day. And he only cried for a few minutes and seemed grateful for the sleep.

In his early weeks I let him nurse and nap in my arms while I caught up on some very important Tivo’d television. But, as he got older and I needed to get some things done I needed him to nap in some sort of baby-holding-device other than myself.

It was only about a month ago that Noah’s wake-up time in the morning seemed to be consistent from day to day. So after waking up and nursing and hanging out in bed while I prayed for a brief nap from him, we get up and come downstairs and he plays while I eat breakfast. By the time I have eaten and cleaned up and checked some email and let the dog out he is cranky and whining for me. Add in a fast calming nursed-feeding and he’s back to sleep. Where he used to sleep on me, I now put him upstairs in his crib and he has slept for anywhere from twenty minutes to two hours.

I’m hoping our consistency develops into the two-hour nap days.

** I still think that many of the baby books out there today are theories based in scare tactics: DO THIS or else you are setting your child up for a lifetime of insomia. Please. Parents are just trying to survive, do we really need to add to our plethora of worries?