Parent Extremis

Chances are you are reading this if and only if you are faced with the dilemma of a helpless infant who has thoroughly nasal passage-blocking boogers that vibrate with each breath causing a sound easily mistaken for a train plowing through your backyard and sucking on your boob simultaneously. Babies obviously can’t blow their noses and they aren’t as good at moving nasal mucous as adults are. They can’t hold one nostril and blow snot out the other one in a good athlete-type fashion until they are at least ten months old, so for now, read the instructions below, follow my ritual for baby-nose cleaning and your little bundle of snot joy will be back to his giggling little self in no time flat.

So you notice that your little bruiser has a rather indelicate nasal situation. If the booger is visible but only slightly out of reach you can try a warm wet q-tip. Be extra careful to not stick the q-tip too far into the nostril, you don’t want to hurt the baby. Using a slight twist of the q-tip the booger may dislodge and move just close enough to the opening of the nostril that you can grab it with a tissue.

If this less, yeah! less intrusive method doesn’t work, here’s the champion way to get a booger out of a baby’s nose. Hold your baby on your lap, or in a sitting position on a changing table so that you can give each nostril a quick spray of saline. Wipe any runoff with a tissue and entertain your baby for about a minute while allowing the saline to do its job of moistening the tissues and loosening the boogers. Finally, lay your baby down on his back, hold his head with one hand and the nasal aspirator in the other hand. Pinch one nostril and suction the other one at the same time. This should bring the boogers into view and you can wipe them away with a tissue. Repeat on the other nostril. Your baby will wail while this happens, could be the slurping the sound could be the discomfort of having something enter an orifice that is preferably exit only, but, the relief they gain is well worth the few seconds of discomfort. When using the nasal aspirator squeeze the bulb before your put it in the nostril, practice a few times before you actually do this procedure to get the real hang of it to minimize the child’s discomfort.

I use the American Red Cross brand nasal aspirator, available at Target for about $3.99. I like that it has an extra small tip that keeps you from pushing it in too far. It is also recommended that you suction a baby’s nose as little as possible, over zealous nasal aspiration can cause swollen tissues which actually make the baby feel more congested.