Parent Extremis

Julia wrote about vaccinations awhile back and she basically said everything that I felt. So perhaps you can just go read her posting and then we’ll be done? Oh… you actually want me to put actual words here? In this space? Oh. Alrighty then.

Wow. I never should have attempted such an often times controversial subject this early on a Monday, but my goal isn’t to say what I feel is right or even try to sway anyone to vaccinate or not to vaccinate. Ultimately, it is a personal decision. I will say that the arguments are in favor of vaccines as they are overwhelmingly safe. The public health defense being is at the top of PRO list, as is personal health. It is much better to let your child get a short-run, controlled fever than say, a case of the Mumps. There was an outbreak of the Mumps in 2006 which was a real reminder that we have let our guard down in terms of diseases once thought to be eradicated, or at least, totally off of our radar.

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) have a very extensive web page detailing recommended vaccine schedules and a chart that suggests how to catch up when vaccines have been missed or skipped for whatever reason.

The biggest vaccine controversy today is a concern that vaccines have contributed to the rise in Autism rates. However, there is no proven link. In the past two decades the number of available vaccines has grown quite a bit, and coincidentally, so have the rates in diagnosed Autism. At this point, this is really is a coincidence, there is no proven scientific research demonstrating any link.

It is difficult to watch your babies getting shots but it is ultimately better to have the sting of the shot than the disease it is preventing. Some pediatricians recommend a delayed vaccine schedule for babies who were born prematurely or who have stronger reactions to the shots. This option should be discussed with your pediatrician if you think it would benefit your child.

Summer over at The Attached Mother wrote a great piece about unassisted home birth. It isn’t for me, especially after I had an intervention-intense first labor due to some complications beyond my control, but for the right mother with a healthy pregnancy, it sounds incredibly empowering and exciting.

Everyone has strong feelings about this one. Either you say, “Hummm, interesting, I’ll read up on it,” or you say, “Oh my holy god never in a million years.” I think I can safely say I have been on both sides of this issue.

When I first got pregnant I happened to read A Midwife’s Story, by Penny Armstrong and from it I took a few key concepts including that birth is natural, usually safe and accomplished best when left alone. I loved the book so much, it really is a great story, that one of my mantras for labor was going to be to remind myself that the amish women delivered babies everyday without drugs and assistance and if they could do it, so could I.

When my own birth went awry and my water broke with meconium in the fluid, I went straight to the hospital and was thankful for every intervention, machine and test they had on hand. I had every intention of delivering in a hospital and will never do anything but, however, the notion of a homebirth appealed to me so much that I would have considered it for future children had Noah’s birth not gone the way it did. Therefore, I feel as though I truly understand both sides of this issue.

Below are some websites supporting home-birth and discussing important issues. I will summarize them here.

1. If you are really interested in true medical studies on the issue, this website has links and abstracts of studies about the safety of home-birth.

2. Supplies. Mama Goddess sells supplies and full kits of everything you need for a home-birth including those hospital grade mesh panties and a placenta basin.

3. Stories. Real Moms. Real births. Click here to read some real first hand home-birth stories.

Greetings!

I’m the new writer for Parent Extremis. I’m no more qualified to write for this site than I am to care for my own seven week old baby. So it should be a fun ride! No, really, I plan to use this site to evaluate and discuss a variety of parenting issues. I hope you will stay tuned for some potentially riveting, or at least mildly interesting discussions of all the issues I can dream up including breast versus bottle feeding, sleep issues (co-sleeping vs. crying it out), the effect of pregnancy on the family, dealing with pediatrician visits and vaccination controversy, dealing with toddlers, heading back to work, discipline methods and much more.

I recently became a stay at home mom, or a work at home mom who does some freelance writing, to Noah, born December 21, 2007. He is almost eight weeks old and I love him more than life itself. We live with my hardworking and devoted husband, Marc, four cats and a yappy little dog.

Usually I’m afraid to read Celebrity Baby Blog. Celebrities aren’t known for their parenting skills, or their marriage skills for that matter, and I don’t want anything to wear off on me. But this time they’re just talking about exercise for expectant mothers. Well, they also managed to drop a couple names - Christina Aguilera and Marcia Cross - who I think I’ve heard of, even without a television.

Pregnant bellies are one of those great givens of life, aren’t they. So far, scientists haven’t figured out how to produce a little baby without producing a larger belly at the same time. Even a very little baby. That must make celebrities mad. I heard about a Beverly Hills doctor who specializes in doing pre-vacation abortions for wealthy patients who want their figure to look its best on the beach.

Don’t tell anybody, but I think exercise is one of the great givens of life too. Scientists haven’t figured out how to keep the human body moving without… well, without moving. That makes me think of my grandmother’s arthritic hip. It was an intriguing yet very common situation. Moving hurt her terribly, but not moving would have frozen the joint. The only alternative was drugs, and she attributed her advanced age to having avoided them.

Exercising together can be one of those fun bonding experiences for expectant mothers and expectant fathers. I wish my wife and I had done more of it. I’ve wondered if more exercise would have increased her stamina enough to have sped up her labor enough to have given birth at home with the midwife as we had planned. Doctors have figured out ways to deliver babies without requiring mothers to have stamina. Once the baby is born, however, mothers need to either gain stamina or sell the baby. There aren’t really any alternatives.

Of course, if exercise during pregnancy is is too hard, there’s always plastic surgery afterwards.

Some of the most important nutrients for a healthy pregnancy are protein and calcium. If you have any food in the house that isn’t packed with protein or calcium, such as chocolate, be sure to eat it all before your wife has a chance to find it. Or to find you.

A pregnant women needs 80-100 grams of protein every day. That may seem like a lot, but it’s not as hard to do as it may seem. According to actual USDA statistics, you can easily get that much protein by eating:

1 gallon of Blue Bell ice cream
5 gallons of whipped cream
1 half gallon of eggnog (UNspiked!)
18 medium boiled eggs
380 saltine crackers
2 pounds of goat cheese
Or you can get all the protein you need by eating 1 dozen medium oysters

With the correct diet, many difficulties of pregnancy, including nausea, can be completely eliminated. I hope.

It’s important to choose a good name for your child. A 1954 study of a New Jersey mental hospital showed that boys with unusual names, such as Atilla, have a higher incidence of mental problems. Or maybe, that any parents who would name their child Atilla pass on a higher incidence of mental problems.

In a 1991 survey, Albert Mehrabian asked two thousand people to rate names according to various characteristics. For example, the name Bunny scored high on femininity, but uh, low on morality. For boys, the names Grover and Aldo didn’t do too well at all. For girls, the names Ann and Holly scored high in all categories. And everybody liked the name Hans.

Based partly on The Expectant Father by Armin A. Brott

Being pregnant can be lots of fun. Here are some suggestions for activities you two can do together:

1. Go to Sea World. Watch the dolphins. Avoid making ANY comparisons between your wife and the whales. This is VERY important.

2. Take pictures of your wife’s midriff at least once a month. Try it from various angles, including lying on the ground, looking up at her from below. If you do this, remember to note the critical day when her belly blocks your view of her face.

3. If photographs aren’t enduring enough, try making a plaster belly cast. It’s a little complicated, but for $30 you can order a complete do-it-yourself kit from www.bellymask.com. When it hardens, after about an hour, you can mount it on your living room or bedroom wall. Or for about $150, you can have your cast artistically decorated by one of a growing number of professional belly casters.

Based partly on The Expectant Father by Armin A. Brott

Actually, that’s not scientifically accurate during pregnancy. It looks like it’s all in her belly.

Another trivia item from The Expectant Father by Armin A. Brott:

According to Anita Holdcroft, an English anesthesiologist, women’s brains actually get 2 to 5 percent smaller during pregnancy. Explains a lot, doesn’t it. Of course, sleep deprivation after birth takes its toll too. Husbands, now that you know this, it’s probably better to keep it to yourself. After all, there’s really no nice way to tell someone that her brain is shrinking.

Okay, seriously now. Actually, what’s really happening is that the brain cells are being compressed more efficiently. There’s no actual loss of brain cells. The brain expands back again within a few months after the birth.

Food cravings:
During pregnancy, odd food cravings are perfectly normal: pickles and ice cream at two in the morning, or strawberries and garlic for breakfast. However, cravings for laundry starch, paraffin wax, or play-dough are NOT normal. So, if your wife wakes you up in the middle of the night asking for a candle to chew on, offer her a whole-grain snack, get her to sleep, and call her doctor first thing in the morning.

Prenatal communication, otherwise known as very early childhood education:
Studies by Dr. Sarah Brewer and Dr. Brent Logan show that if you provide intellectually-stimulating sounds in the womb, your child may learn to talk as early as five or six months and to read books as early as eighteen months. Can your child do that? I’s all up to you.

In one study, Peter Hepper found that newborns whose mothers had watched a particular soap opera while they were pregnant stopped crying when they heard the show’s theme song.

“Like sands in a swimsuit…so are the days of our lives”

Five tips for prenatal education:
1. Choose your material wisely from the great classics of world civilization.

2. Set up a daily routine. Before each session, firmly thump your wife’s belly to let the baby know you’re out there. Give your baby something to look forward to.

3. Don’t overdo it. Sure, your child’s future success in life is at stake. But lighten up. One hour, twice a day, should be sufficient.

4. Don’t whisper. The sound has a LOT to go through. Talk to your baby loudly enough so that a person across the room can hear what you’re saying (and wonder if you’ve lost all your marbles).

5. And finally, as you speak loudly and clearly into your wife’s lower abdomen, Dr. Logan recommends that you try to overcome the feeling that what you are doing is absolutely ridiculous.

Based partly on The Expectant Father by Armin A. Brott

Exercise advice for your pregnant wife:
It’s very important that your wife get proper exercise. On the other hand, husbands, you’ll need to conserve your strength.

First, exercises that are NOT recommended during pregnancy:
Skydiving, Power lifting, Extreme skateboarding, and of course, ziplining.

Exercises that ARE recommended throughout pregnancy:
Water ballet, Croquet, low-energy Pilates, Watching exercise videos, Walking very slowly

Ultrasound:
Husbands, ultrasound images of your child will delight you and make your pregnancy more real to you. The pregnancy is already very real to your wife.

Through the miracle of ultrasound imagery, you’ll find that your precious unborn child looks remarkably like a blurry potato. But it’s not just any potato. It’s your little potato.

A trivia note:
Pregnancy increases a father’s natural desire to protect his family. According to psychologist Martin Greenberg, many men buy guns during a pregnancy.

Based partly on The Expectant Father by Armin A. Brott

Parents often wistfully wish they could raise their children differently, spend more time with them, teach them themselves, protect them from pervasive influences. Their wistfulness implies it’s good, but it isn’t possible for them.

Well, is it good for their children to continue the way they’re going? Or just convenient for them? If what we’re doing is not good for our children, why don’t we make the necessary sacrifices to change what we’re doing?

Sure, society is against us, everybody does it this way, and hardly anybody does it the way we wish we could do it. No, I can’t change society, at least not right now, but I can change my family life. I can’t change what’s on television, but I can change the channel. I can unplug the television.

Maybe you’d like to give birth in a non-institutional setting, but your company insurance doesn’t cover midwives. Believe me, from personal experience, the difference is worth it. Under most circumstances, it’s safer and maybe it’s even better for your baby’s development to stay out of the hospital nursery. Why choose an unnatural, second-class experience for your child just because it’s not approved by your authorities?

People say that it’s too hard. It’s too different. Well, getting rid of a malignant tumor is hard too, harder than learning to live with it. But if to live, or to live more abundantly, I might have to do hard things.

Finances come into play in all of this, of course. Parents have to raise their children like other people do because they can’t afford to do it differently. They can’t afford to leave their job and work from home, with their children. They can’t afford to move out of their neighborhood or out of the city. But consider our children, maybe we can’t afford not to.

Okay, that’s not how the British Medical Journal announced it, but I couldn’t resist. Specifically, the study showed that when parents plan to give birth at home (as we did), even if they have to go to the hospital later (as we did), they are subject to fewer interventions, such as epidurals, episiotomies and caesarian sections.

Midwives transfered their clients to the hospital about 12% of the time, but only considered it urgent in 3.4% of the cases. Even after the transfer, intervention rates were much lower for the women who had planned a home birth than those who had planned a hospital birth: more than ten times lower for some procedures. “Compared with the relatively low risk hospital group, intended home births were associated with lower rates of electronic fetal monitoring (9.6% versus 84.3%), episiotomy (2.1% versus 33.0%), caesarean section (3.7% versus 19.0%), and vacuum extraction (0.6% versus 5.5%).”

But that’s not the part I thought was most interesting. The study shows, perhaps without meaning to, that with all the interventions and medical additions that happen in a hospital delivery room, childbirth is not safer there than it is at home. But maybe not any less safe. According to the study. Just less enjoyable.

The study concludes, “Planned home birth for low risk women in North America using certified professional midwives was associated with lower rates of medical intervention but similar intrapartum and neonatal mortality to that of low risk hospital births in the United States.”

Babylune in Ontario says that midwives there can’t meet the demand. What would the demand be in the US if parents here knew more about the home birth option?