Parent Extremis

I’m not a big fan of following any “method” of parenting to a -T-. I feel more strongly that each child’s personality needs different kinds of care and stimulation and when you claim to follow a certain method you are closing off your options to other parenting resources that might actually make sense to you.

Authoritative Parenting is often seen as the evil step-sister of Attachment Parenting. Authoritative Parenting is built on two components, Parental Responsiveness and Parental Demandingness. This can be seen as love, warmth and nurturing VERSUS discipline and control. The parents have to choose how they balance this concept. Some opt for much more demanding and control and others act with a majority of love and warmth with only occasional control.

According to a University of Minnesota publication here is the core of Authoritative Parenting:

Parental Responsiveness (love, warmth, nurturance): Parental responsiveness is the extent to which parents respond to the child’s needs in an accepting, supportive manner. It is a very powerful force in the development of children, and most children probably do not get enough. Nurturance helps children feel loved, secure, and cared about, and it fosters children’s acceptance of discipline and parental demands. There are many ways to respond and nurture children, including listening attentively spending time with children, being available, and giving more attention to that which pleases and less to that which does not (”catch them being good”).

Parental Demandingness (discipline, control) Demandingness is the extent to which a parent expects and demands responsible behavior from children. This dimension includes both setting and enforcing rules or limits on children. In order to be enforced, rules must be clear, reasonable, developmentally appropriate, fair and just, mutually agreed upon, flexible, and emphasize what to do rather just what not to do. Enforcement of rules is much more than just punishment. Indeed, punishment is probably the least effective of the alternatives available. Monitoring and understanding children’s behavior, preventing misbehavior, rewarding good behavior, and guidance are more effective tools.